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toyemanateI need to develop a shorthand (or endocosm-related expression) for this statement:
"Hey, I need to say something just so I can see/hear myself say it, and analyze what I'm saying. This is information from what my emotional brain is wanting to make me think, and it does not fully reflect my thoughts on the matter. Now, it might sound like I'm just listing excuses, and that's partially true. I'm listing all the ways in which I put obstacles in my own way, in order to look at them outside my head and realize how easy they are to overcome--given an outside perspective. In this, it helps to have a separate person to listen and observe this process, because I've never been able to consistently hold myself accountable to myself.
Laying things out like this is often how I solve things or gain a better perspective. I know it will often sound like bitching and griping (and sometimes it is anyway). I apologize in advance for that--it's very easy for me to slip into negativity about some (many) things, and I try to catch myself doing so, but it's not always easy.
I appreciate your listening. What I am not offering, specifically, is a puzzle for you to solve, a problem to sort out. Each one of the things that I'm listing as self-created obstacles might be actual obstacles as well, and several of them may even have a solution that's obvious to you. It's much more helpful to point out patterns and generalities after I'm finished than to drill down to each obstacle and attempt to offer advice on them. It's also important to know that most often I've already gone over and over possibilities in my mind before talking about them. My head gets stuck in plenty of loops, so it's certainly plausible I missed some ideas--but I'd really prefer the conversation to not consist solely of 'have you tried X?' questions. Allow me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intelligence.
I apologize if this sounds like your role in the conversation is just as a sounding board or echo chamber. That's not my intent, this is just the way I've evolved to untangle my own thoughts and process my anxiety. Sure, I could easily write everything out to myself to read later, but that usually feels much the same as the thoughts endlessly circulating inside my head.
I really do actually appreciate your input, and it's perfectly okay if you don't have much to say, but thanks for listening anyway. "
Except, you know, in a more concise way. Because I'll be saying this fairly often, probably in the form of 'hey, can I ________ for a few minutes?'. This is just...something I've been doing, for a long time. I'm just making it more conscious and intentionally tagged-as-such.
Currently considering 'Spool', 'trace' or maybe 'TRON', if it works as a verb.
(Addendum: This is not prompted by anything or anyone specific, or anything recent. Just some unpacking of my own thoughts from today.)
"Hey, I need to say something just so I can see/hear myself say it, and analyze what I'm saying. This is information from what my emotional brain is wanting to make me think, and it does not fully reflect my thoughts on the matter. Now, it might sound like I'm just listing excuses, and that's partially true. I'm listing all the ways in which I put obstacles in my own way, in order to look at them outside my head and realize how easy they are to overcome--given an outside perspective. In this, it helps to have a separate person to listen and observe this process, because I've never been able to consistently hold myself accountable to myself.
Laying things out like this is often how I solve things or gain a better perspective. I know it will often sound like bitching and griping (and sometimes it is anyway). I apologize in advance for that--it's very easy for me to slip into negativity about some (many) things, and I try to catch myself doing so, but it's not always easy.
I appreciate your listening. What I am not offering, specifically, is a puzzle for you to solve, a problem to sort out. Each one of the things that I'm listing as self-created obstacles might be actual obstacles as well, and several of them may even have a solution that's obvious to you. It's much more helpful to point out patterns and generalities after I'm finished than to drill down to each obstacle and attempt to offer advice on them. It's also important to know that most often I've already gone over and over possibilities in my mind before talking about them. My head gets stuck in plenty of loops, so it's certainly plausible I missed some ideas--but I'd really prefer the conversation to not consist solely of 'have you tried X?' questions. Allow me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intelligence.
I apologize if this sounds like your role in the conversation is just as a sounding board or echo chamber. That's not my intent, this is just the way I've evolved to untangle my own thoughts and process my anxiety. Sure, I could easily write everything out to myself to read later, but that usually feels much the same as the thoughts endlessly circulating inside my head.
I really do actually appreciate your input, and it's perfectly okay if you don't have much to say, but thanks for listening anyway. "
Except, you know, in a more concise way. Because I'll be saying this fairly often, probably in the form of 'hey, can I ________ for a few minutes?'. This is just...something I've been doing, for a long time. I'm just making it more conscious and intentionally tagged-as-such.
Currently considering 'Spool', 'trace' or maybe 'TRON', if it works as a verb.
(Addendum: This is not prompted by anything or anyone specific, or anything recent. Just some unpacking of my own thoughts from today.)
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 09:25 pm (UTC)Around folks elbows-deep in code like me, Xurnami, or Orbus, you could say that you're "setting the logging level to 'debug'," but that's not generally applicable.
It also sounds like you're a little short of good listeners in your life. The stuff you're talking about that's about external factors, the second half, that all just reads to me as part of the toolkit of How To Conversation that I think everyone should have. :(
no subject
Date: 2015-02-04 05:37 am (UTC)See Twitter earlier for me trying to come up with a close-enough code-like term for this. :-P
I have some good listeners, but I'm trying to broaden things a bit. If I have to explain stuff like this in mid-stream or conversation, I tend to sound like I'm getting defensive or avoiding the topic. Or sometimes I really /am/ getting defensive--when that's in the face of people trying to help via offering advice or going point-by-point through what I've said, it /really/ looks like I don't actually want help, and that causes people to not want to listen next time.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-04 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 09:32 pm (UTC)May I suggest making it stateful? With an on/off, basically? As in "Trace on" when you want to start the process and not get feedback, and "trace off" when you're ready to hear the pointing out patterns or whatever (basically, anything more than simple acknowledgement?) I think this is terminology I'd be interested in adopting too, if you'd be okay with that. :)
no subject
Date: 2015-02-04 05:42 am (UTC)Having an on-off state is useful, sorta like HTML tags or code commands. Not sure how I'd phrase a request like 'mind if I trace for a moment?', but there definitely /does/ need to be a point of saying 'okay I'm done, let's break this down a bit' with less conversational wrangling in between. :-}
no subject
Date: 2015-02-07 12:35 am (UTC)